


Sometimes people shine so bright they're all you see

by lafemmestars



Series: some sacrifice everything... [2]
Category: Oxenfree
Genre: (Spoilers) Alex gives herself up to be Sunken, A different loop maybe, I guess this is like an AU?, Im sorry I have to make everything sad, Lots of tears, Other, Shit goes down
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-19 08:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14232951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lafemmestars/pseuds/lafemmestars
Summary: "....why does it even matter, I should be happy for Michael... they don't even remember me now, I'm here now and no one will remember me. It just..... it hurts."





	1. Hurts...

**Author's Note:**

> y'all THOUGHT I would let Alex and Clarissa would live happily
> 
> Also, the title is from one of the lines from The Gabriella Gadfly Suite by Paul Shapera.
> 
> Ok but anyways, yes this is a series, I know in the last story in the tags I said the ghosts left them alone but ahaaa nope.

Waking up was strange. Alex felt the warmth of laying with Clarissa replaced with a cold, hard surface. She groaned, opening her eyes and taking a moment to focus.

She was.... on a boat? When did she get on a boat? She was just sleeping on the coach with Clarissa....

_Unless...._

~~Oh god, please.... not again....~~

She looked around quickly, eyes darting as she scanned her surroundings on the boat. There was Ren and Nona, giggling and chatting about the movie they wanted to see, the Bosnian Genocide one. Jonas was leaning against the railing, gray smoke coming out of the cigarette he held between his two fingers, then she heard a chillingly familiar voice. "Alex, you're awake!" Turning around, she saw her older brother, sitting next to Clarissa and holding her hand. 

Michael pulled away from Clarissa, whom Alex was looking at in shock, then looking back to Michael in shock too. But she didn't bring him back?

But there he was, and she was happy for a short moment-

-until realization struck-

-she then stood, hugging him and trying to not be too awkward. But she felt absolutely out of place and confused. 

She didn't bring him back?

Why did they loop back to the boat?

..... Did anyone remember anything?

Her brain spun with questions so she quickly took a seat on the bench. Michael kept a steady grip on her arm to help her keep from rocking too much on the boat. "Don't have your sea legs yet?" He jested as she nodded for his sake. "You'll be alright after a while, it's probably the island's fault too, that was pretty wild back there-"

She glanced at Clarissa, who didn't steal even a small glance back at her. Instead she watched Michael the same way she always did. 

~~She wasn't going to cry though.~~

She didn't exactly understand what was going on and wasn't sure she would comprehend it at all.... All she knew was her heart was aching and she couldn't do anything to mend it. 

It hurt.

She forced a smile, not too much, but not too little. "I think I'll be fine. What do you.... what do you remember from the island?"

"That I really don't like water. Weird, huh?" He said as he ruffled Alex's hair playfully, wrapping his arm around Clarissa. "Well we're all glad you're fine Alex, we thought you like had a heart attack or something."

She wished she did.

"I'm as fit as a fiddle! Uh.... oh god, my head is spinning.... I'm gonna go uh.... Stand by Jonas...." she managed to conjure up the right words, then left the couple as soon as possible. 

She stood by Jonas, gripping the rail and looking out at the blue waves that carried them back to Camena so, so slowly. Jonas put his cigarette out, then turned to Alex. "You don't look too good." 

"I don't feel too good either." She mumbled, rubbing her forehead and trying to not look at Clarissa or think about her. She couldn't put into words how she felt, it was just a horrible mixture of sadness, envy, relief, and confusion. It was hard for her to be happy Michael was alive when she clearly remembered making out with Clarissa. Yikes.

She began to feel very guilty as she thought about it more, it started to become a heavy burden.

_Shouldn't she be happy?_

"Well, thank you for everything Alex. It was uh... brave of you to help us on the island." He hummed softly, smiling to her. 

"Haha, yeah no worries..." She awkwardly laughed dryly, then pushed her bangs back. 

_Why were the damn ghosts toying with her like this? Like she was their damn little doll? It wasn't fair!_

She took a deep breath of the sea air, stretching and watching the waves again. The dark waves looked looming and enigmatic. 

"Are you sure you're fine?"

Was she? Should she tell him?

"Positively fine." She assured falsely. He narrowed his eyes, but she guessed he let it go since he stopped asking her about it completely.

This would all take a lot of time for her to get used to.

"... Jonas?" She hesitantly turned to look at him.

"Yeah?" 

She bit her lip and drummed her fingers against the rail, staring back at the mysterious waves. "You ever remember something and it bugs you a lot because no one else can remember it?" 

"Yeah. Like when I remembered buying a muffin and I set it on my desk and then someone took it so I never found it-"

"That's absolutely not what I meant..."

Jonas shrugged and thought about what she said again. "Well then no I don't know what you mean I guess. That's very descriptive though, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah.... yeah I guess..."


	2. Melancholy

"Hey Alex, do you want to go to a party with me and Clarissa?" She heard her brother say as he plopped onto the couch next to her, smiling like he always did. Alex couldn't bring herself to smile back, strangely. She just didn't feel like it. 

"No thank you." Was all she said before focusing on the TV again. Out of the corner of her eye she could barely make out Michael pouting. "Please? Parties aren't fun without you..." He whined. After noticing she paid him no mind he took the remote and turned the TV off, standing up and holding it high as he stood on his toes. Alex frowned and got up, reaching for the remote. "Hey give it!" 

"No!"

"Michael, I will climb you like a tree! Give it back!" 

After a surprisingly short while, Alex felt like she was hit by a wall of fatigue, so she quickly sat down . She groaned and gently punched Michael's leg, then leaned on him. "I can't... I don't want to... Ugh..." It was almost as though her own emotions tired her out.

Michael's eyes widened and he quickly sat down by her, wrapping his arm around her and looking at her, worry clouding his eyes. "What's wrong?"

".... You won't understand... it's fine..." She mumbled and leaned on him. 

"Still, I want to know if there's something you're worried about. Just let me know..."

Of course, she didn't want to cause any problems with Michael. This was the only time she knew that she could never confide to him about why she felt so.... melancholic. She didn't even realize the feeling until then, crashing into her like a wave of water. It gravely started to affect how she acted, and she slowly became embarrassed because of it.

She stood up, then began to trudge to her room. "Yeah um... You know I always tell you everything, right?" Her voice was slightly quiet as she asked, stopping in her tracks to hear his answer.

"Yeah."

"...... Cool." Continuing, she held back tears.

_Keep it together Alex.... You'll survive this...._

She hated it. This feeling of sadness and not having anyone to talk to about it. It hurt. 

As she solemnly opened her door she looked around for a moment. At least the loop left her one damn thing that she felt comforted by. Nothing had changed, unlike many other things currently in her life. 

This was the only place she started to feel safe in, able to relax, to let it all out, cry, scream, whatever. 

She walked to the bed and let herself fall on it, burying her face in her gray duvet and feeling the urge to cry into her sheets.

~~But she had no tears.~~ Instead she laid on her bed, motionlessly for a moment, until she heard her phone going off in her pocket.

The haunting tones went through her head all day since she refused to speak with anyone. 

Pulling the phone out, she frowned as she looked at many messages, most from Ren, one from Nona, and one from Clarissa. 

Ren was texting her about something that had happened. She wasn't exactly sure but she pieced together that he dropped a cake he was baking (with Clarissa, surprisingly) for Nona's birthday.

Nona had text her to tell her she'd love to hang out with her sometime, which Alex thought would be kind of nice. 

Strangely, no text from Jonas, which mad her feel slightly sadder. But what did she expect? For him to still remember that they were step-siblings in another loop? 

She decided to take a peek at whatever Clarissa had texted, biting her bottom lip and scanning what she had said. 

'Hey. You seem distant lately, are you doing fine?'

Slowly, Alex typed back a short and sweet response, saying 'uh sure I guess I'm ok. Why do you care?'

'Because your brother is my boyfriend. It matters to me if his sister is ok yknow.'

She couldn't help but want to throw her phone at the wall and curl back up, but opted out of the idea because she didn't want her phone broken. The one thing of hers she could keep from being broken...

After a short while, she got into her bed, pulling her blankets on herself and trying to rest. The door in her room made a creaky noise, which she tried to ignore. 

She suddenly felt something heavy jump on her and felt all the air in her lungs pushed out. Micheal smiled and pat her head, then rolled onto one side of her bed. She groaned and sat up, glaring slightly at him. "What was that for?" She could see him smiling like a little kid and felt at ease for a moment. 

_You were just fucking jealous of him a moment ago, where did that go?_

She grimaced at the thought that had forced its way into her brain and bit her lip. He ruffled her hair, oblivious to her envy and her discomfort. "You know, you're such a great little sister, you always help me out and I just wanted to make you feel better since you seem a little out of it."

_Stop. Stop. ~~I'm a horrible sister.~~_

"Oh uh thank you... I appreciate it...." she awkwardly hugged him, just wanting to not look at him and feel guilty. 

"But I'm not all that great Michael. There's so much more I wish I could do for you..." 

"Don't worry! I'm the older sibling so I therefore am the most responsible!" He claimed, then stood and started to walk out.

"Hey the option to come to the party is still on the table." He suggested, leaning against her doorframe.

"... Not tonight. Thank you for the offer again."


End file.
